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Let Go & Let In
I used to notice my face every day. I can’t pinpoint when it started—the fixation on the swelling, the width of my cheeks, or the appearance of a double chin. But at some point, it consumed me. I wish I were exaggerating.
It wasn’t just a fleeting glance in the mirror where I’d think, “Gosh, my face looks puffy. Oh well, it’ll go down tomorrow.” It became an endless loop—checking the bathroom mirror repeatedly, obsessing over whether others would notice. I’d open my iPhone camera, dreading the sight of my reflection, sometimes with tears in my eyes. There were days I canceled plans because I hated how my face looked, terrified people would judge me or think I was unattractive.
The worst days were after a binge. How could I be upset when, in my mind, I had done this to myself? My puffy face felt like a stamp of shame for everyone to see—a glaring reminder that I had overeaten, indulged, and failed. None of these thoughts were helpful, as I’m sure you can imagine. But if you’ve ever struggled with binge eating, you might understand the fixation, the urge to hide, the remorse, and the self-loathing. For me, all of those feelings were channeled into how I saw my face. Unlike a baggy sweatshirt or loose pants, I couldn’t hide it. Sure, I could wear a mask, but COVID was over, and sunglasses wouldn’t help much.
I’m sharing this because I’m actively working to unlearn this behavior. Why should the puffiness of my face determine whether I see a friend, turn on my camera during a work meeting, or leave my apartment? Fixating only makes things worse. The more you obsess, the deeper the spiral becomes. Letting go is hard—I won’t sugarcoat it—but it’s essential.
When I feel the urge to fixate, here’s what I do instead of feeding into the negativity or canceling plans:
- Log off social media.
Scrolling through highlight reels doesn’t help when you’re already feeling low. Comparison truly is the thief of joy, especially during tough moments.
- Wear a comfy outfit.
Slip into sweatpants, a loose tee, and cozy socks. Don’t stress over tight jeans—they’ll fit again soon.
- Read a good book.
Instead of mindless scrolling or watching TV, dive into a story. Escaping into another world can be incredibly soothing and distracting.
- Call a friend.
Sometimes FaceTime triggers my insecurities, so I prefer voice calls while walking or relaxing at home. Focusing on someone else’s words helps shift my mindset.
- Start a fun project.
Find something you enjoy—painting, cleaning, making a photo album, or even starting a new hobby. Anything that engages your mind and hands can work wonders.
- Journal about tomorrow.
When nothing else works, I write about what I’m looking forward to. Not about diets or drastic plans to “fix” myself—just simple, uplifting things like a new class, visiting a favorite spot, or chatting with someone I love. Even on the worst days, hope for tomorrow can ease today’s discomfort.
The point of this post is to show you that you are not alone with your fixations or your off days. However, you have to stop letting yourself just soak in the misery. I have done that for years. But, I am taking an active role in my life now. It’s okay to acknowledge maybe you don’t feel your best on a given day- not every day can be great. But after that acknowledgment, you can’t let those thoughts scream and shout and win.
You have to get up, be strong like I know you are, and go on with your day. I promise you that you will get through this. But in the meantime, you just have to keep doing things to create a life for yourself, create small bits of joys. The more tiny joys you build, the easier it will be to stop fixating on a thought or your body. I promise.