Build your place

Build Your Space (New Year’s Resolution)

Confession: I hate my living room. In my apartment, the living room is basically an extension of the kitchen. And I think you can guess it—I hate my kitchen too. In the six months I’ve lived here, I’ve started to associate this space with feelings of anxiety, binge urges, binge episodes, loneliness, and spirals. A space that’s supposed to feel safe, fun, or at least neutral, now feels “icky”—for lack of a better word. Maybe you know what I mean. Maybe you have a place like that too, where things just feel off.

As I’ve worked on changing my mindset and, as a result, my life, I’ve realized just how strong those associations can be. For example, I’ll sit down in the white comfy chair my mom bought me, ready to write a blog post. My cozy sweats are on, my laptop is open—I’m set. But the second I start typing, my brain wants to escape. Suddenly, I feel the urge to redownload TikTok, scroll DoorDash, or soak in a storm of negative thoughts. It’s frustrating because just minutes before, I was excited to do something productive. Yet, somehow, sitting in that chair makes it 10 times harder to resist old habits and spirals than if I simply relocated to my apartment lobby.

But here’s the thing: sometimes, I don’t want to be perceived. Sitting in the lobby means someone might see me, and that’s a whole other can of worms. My apartment is supposed to be my safe space. Recently, I read James Clear’s insights on how important your environment is. He talks about associating specific spaces with specific habits—like working in an office, exercising in a gym, and sleeping in a bedroom. But what happens when everything overlaps? When one space becomes the backdrop for everything, from eating to working to spiraling? Our brain can only really handle one space to be associated with one behavior.  

For me, my living room has become tangled with memories of binge episodes and spirals. Right now, I’m stuck in this weird limbo: trying to let go of those negative associations while creating new, healthier ones. I want my living room to be where I work on self-development—whether that’s writing a blog post, reading, journaling, or calling a friend. But even that once-comfy chair feels uncomfortable.

So, how long am I going to sit in that discomfort without doing anything about it? Not anymore. In the new year, my goal is to completely revamp my living room. I’m starting small: a mini desk, a fun bean bag, and a new light. These three changes might seem minor, but I hope they’ll help me build new memories in this space. I imagine myself sitting on the bean bag, getting lost in a good book. I see myself writing at the mini desk with all the lights on, feeling productive and at peace.

MAKE THE CHANGE

My point in sharing this is to encourage you to think about your own environment. You don’t have to move somewhere new or create a Pinterest-perfect space. Sometimes, even small changes can help you reclaim your space and feel more comfortable. The dream would be to escape after work—head to a coffee shop, hang out with a friend, or visit family—but that’s not always realistic. More than anything, I need my home to feel like a safe haven.

I’ll keep you updated on this project and what impact it has on my mental state. Maybe this post will inspire you to rebuild a space of your own, too. Let’s make 2025 the year we take back our spaces.