Build Your Solitude

I am a sucker for the internet “emo” quotes and trends. But all jokes aside, one that has truly stuck with me is: “alone, but not lonely.”

For a long time, I thought it was weird to be alone. I always felt the need to be around people. If I ate a meal by myself at college, I was terrified that everyone was staring at me. I felt awkward going to the library alone instead of being part of a packed study group.

In my head, I had created this intense association: if I was alone, I was lame. If I was alone, I had no friends. If I was alone, I wasn’t cool enough. Looking back now, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I think enjoying your own company is one of the most empowering things you can do. The one person you can always count on is yourself. And yet, we spend so much time avoiding our own company. We pour ourselves into filling others’ cups, trying to be “enough” for them. But how often do we lean inward and ask: Am I enough for myself?

Why Build a Relationship with Yourself?

The real question is this: why wouldn’t you want to be your own best friend? Why wouldn’t you invest in the most important relationship of your life—the one with yourself?

It’s scary, though. It’s easier to seek approval from family and friends. It’s easier to distract yourself with work or tasks that keep you busy and surrounded by others. But that constant noise lets us avoid hard questions like:

• Who am I?

• What do I want?

• What is best for me?

These are critical questions for living a meaningful life, and the answers come when you spend time with yourself.

Being Alone Doesn’t Mean You’re Lonely

Enjoying time alone doesn’t mean you don’t or can’t have friends. Life is about balance. Maybe you spend all day Saturday with others, and then Sunday is for you.

Take yourself on fun solo adventures, like checking out a coffee shop, reading, or taking a walk in the park. It’s okay to spend time alone. In fact, sometimes it’s necessary. Even being around people you love can feel draining at times. That’s why recharging is essential.

You have to show up for yourself. And sometimes, that means doing what you want to do—even if no one else is joining you. For years, I missed out on experiences I wanted, like seeing a movie, trying a new restaurant, or exploring a new place, simply because I didn’t have someone to go with.

How I Started Embracing My Solitude

My life began to change when I stopped waiting for someone else to join me. If I wanted to take a stroll downtown, I went. If I wanted to window shop, I went. If I wanted to visit a bookstore, I went.

At first, it was terrifying. Sometimes it still is. Spending a day alone can make it easier to slip into negative thought patterns, boredom, or overthinking. Without someone there to entertain or distract you, you have to face yourself.

But that’s where the magic is. It’s a practice—a skill you build over time. You learn to soothe yourself. You learn to be okay spending the day alone. You start looking forward to your own company, the same way you would get excited to see a friend.

It can start small. If eating alone feels intimidating, try having coffee by yourself. If working out alone seems overwhelming, take a short solo walk first. Start with things you enjoy, things that don’t require anyone else.

What I’ve Gained from Solitude

Now, I genuinely look forward to my quiet mornings and evenings alone. Afternoons are still the hardest part for me, so I build up to them. Sometimes I’ll mix in an afternoon activity with a friend and follow it with something solo. It’s all about balance.

Being alone has taught me so much. I’ve learned more about myself—what I like, what I want, and what I need. I’ve also realized how freeing it is to just exist without fear of judgment.

When I’m with others, I often worry about saying too much or too little, or whether I’m being the “best version” of myself. But when I’m alone, I can just be. There’s no pressure. No fear. It’s liberating.

Alone, But Not Lonely

You deserve to invest the same energy into your relationship with yourself as you would with a friend. You are your most dependable companion. You deserve love, kindness, and respect—and you can give all of that to yourself.

I’ve come to realize how beautiful that is. You are alone, but you are not lonely. That one TikTok account got it right.